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Post by Advent Childhe on Nov 30, 2005 0:47:37 GMT -5
Greetings:
Here is my proposal. I've done many of these and I must say... sonnets are some of my favourite poems. I guess I am a hopeless romantic.
The Sonnet form is as follows:
- iambic pentameter (5 full meters of Stressed- Non-stressed syllables = 10 syllables per line.)
- sonnets follow a strict rhyme structure that follows : ABAB CDCD EFEF GG
Fourteen lines in total, the first and the third must rhyme and so on and so forth.
- the Italian Sonnet must provide a situation or problem in the first 7 lines and resolve the situation in the last 7 lines.
- As sonnets go, the poem must be about love.
I know this is a bit strict, and this takes a bit getting used to. But consider this a good way to get the noggin joggin' and pay an homage for an olde way of expressing love.
All Hail the Ram, Advent Childhe,
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Post by Velata on Dec 1, 2005 2:00:57 GMT -5
... May I...?
For my fellow poets who wondered what happened to the last self-described entry to this game, Velata has the answer for you: I took it down.
I took it down because I thought two lines were out of the meter and the general tone of the whole thing sounded as if I was trying to do something just for the sake of doing something... and it sounded as if I was just filling in syllables.
No need to blame the forum itself or those who preside over it... It's just me
This time, I think I have something better to present to the members of this part of the forum.
Fairy Dream I see nymphs that dance in fields of whiteness, Fairy wings a'flutter; tiny feet twirl. Silver hair on shoulders made of china, Slender fingers weave surreal sights, Prancing...
One descended before my gaze: "Come child, Join us, and be light of feet and spirit, Take this leaden body, loosen the chains That bind you to this harsh world, with A kiss..."
short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long short-long
short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long short-long ... I think I got it right this time...
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Post by Advent Childhe on Dec 2, 2005 9:05:32 GMT -5
Greetings:
Velata: Booyah.
The discriptions on the bodies of the faeries are really nice. I believe that your muse is back. I have no "beef" with any verse in particular at all (save for 2). I really thought this piece was cute.
Beef: "take this body" Line 7. Who is narrating? the Faeries - as the quotation marks has not ended it seems to be the Faeries talking. But it would not really make sense for the Faeries to be telling the narrator to "take your leaden body and dump it."
Seasons Greetings, All Hail the Ram, Advent Childhe,
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Post by Corrusader on Dec 11, 2005 21:53:06 GMT -5
Sonnets are hard to write.
Mens Rea
Step away from your engulfing shadow Turn aside from your virulent terror Let me be your warmth, your night to borrow Let me wipe away your frozen horror.
Let my darkness burn your bitter winter You'll taste freedom from your endless sorrow. In a blink of eye or maybe faster Pain will end and pleasure soon will follow
Take my hand and wave goodbye forever To a heartless world that hates you always Bear with me through coldness or high fever Down the road to our abysmal highway
Foolish human with their false assumptions Path to hell is full of good intentions
Edit: Corrected some mistakes, thanks Velata. Edit2: Fixed some of the things that are mentioned by my reviewers below.
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Post by Advent Childhe on Dec 12, 2005 2:57:00 GMT -5
Greetings:
I must say... writing a sonnet is not the easiest thing in the world. I forced my self to practise, and I wrote a short-Crown instead. That endeavour took me the whole day. Bits of it are still under revision... but I liked it.
Good Job Corrusader. I 'll comment more on it after my exams.
Yours, Advent Childhe,
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Post by Advent Childhe on Dec 17, 2005 21:45:32 GMT -5
Seasons Greetings:
Sonnets are hard to write. I have spent most of my free time in the last few days trying to come up with one. I realize I'm spending a day for each stanza. Oi vey.
Corrusader - I must commend you on your Mens Rea. iT is a dark piece. From what you've posted so far, I would have expected no less from you. This product of your dark muse speaks of love in a different way. A sonnet is a love poem, and this piece, at least to me, reminds me that love has its dark sides.
As I read through this, the verses narrates a dark sort of relationship. a sort of love that is so dark and intense that the completion of the desire would also mean the doom of all things involved. So, with that sort of mentality in mind, the title is strangly fitting.... as well as the rhyming couplet in the end.
I particularily liked the phrase "virulent terror," and Line 9.
The "too" in Line 8 is unessessary. The sentiment of line 10 is certainly heart felt, but it could be presented in more abstract or darker ways... to fit the general mood of the piece. Finally, "sickness and high fever" may sound a bit too redundant. Even though many sicknesses do not involve fevers (grin).
Happy Christmas, Advent Childhe,
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Post by Advent Childhe on Dec 19, 2005 22:43:18 GMT -5
Season's Greetings:
My sonnet.
Snowflake
Smears of frost were ghosts on morning windows, High frozen rooftops were smiles of dagger ice, Made by frigid wraiths who cast no shadows, Whose cold-blooded wrath wore no kind disguise.
With voracious howls the snow overwhelms All vestiges of civil, hopeful light. But no cold dread could freeze your inner realm, No blizzard could cool the warmth in your sight.
Where ice and frost glowed bright and pleasent, Where crisp breezes cooled only blushing ears. Secrets hidden in your smile resplendent, Tell me that winter sweetens spring time's cheer.
So let us wonder, and never mistake; See clear the worlds in every snowflake.
Happy Christmas, Advent Childhe,
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Post by Velata on Dec 28, 2005 16:16:07 GMT -5
.. May I...? To the ladies and gentlemen of literary bend: Season's greetings! First, to contend Wayward's beef... since the lines are enclosed in quotation marks, the lines were spoken by one of the faeries. As to the reason why would the faeries want the dreamer to "dump this leaden body"? Well: I have two explanations. 1. Look to Yeats, and you will see that he refers to the legend and the lore of the fair folk. They have a tendency to lure away human children and substitute them for one of their own. Yeats' "Stolen Child" gives a poetic account of one such abduction. 2. It's a dream, simple and easy. People are allowed a little imagination (and a little self-indulgence) in dreams, aren't they? Secondly, for your long-awaited sonnet, I give you: The ChoiceBeads of pearl form in your resolute eyes, In your ashen hands, this merciless knife. "Deliver me from this Dungeon of Sighs; Make me as you are, or forfeit your life." The glaive's glimmer whisper'd as you draw near, Memories rush into my giddy mind: Too often upon a heady midnight clear, Endless torment was what I left behind. Beauty, glamour and cold civility, All would fail to disguise this Prince of Lies. Even love offers me no tranquility, Now, a betray'd victim of jealous sprites. "Whispering knife, make good your deadly threat, Graceful mortality I'll not regret." Ladies and gentlemen, I concur with your sagely observation... a sonnet is indeed difficult to write...
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Post by Genevieve on Dec 30, 2005 7:19:32 GMT -5
Ooo, these were really nice to read. I'm way impressed all around, strewth. I'll start working on my sonnet today. Corrusader: Ditto most of what AC said, although I have to disagree with him re: the "too" in line 8. I think it fits very well and gives the line a better flowing cadence than it would have if it weren't there. I think my only beef with the poem is the word choice of "grumble" in line 6, actually. The rest of the poem is so elegant in both phrasing and vocabulary that "grumble" seems very out of place to me, almost too intrinsically... rough?... a word to fit smotthly with the rest of the poem. One possible alternative to "grumble" that would also rhyme better with "follow" is "sorrow." Velata: Fairy Dream was lovely; I could readily envision the scene with the detail you described it in. Very pretty! In The Choice, I would simply caution you to watch your meter; there are a few places where the alternating stressed and non-stressed pattern gets a bit sketchy. Otherwise, though, another really enjoyable read! Very portentuous and suspenseful. AC: Great piece! I especially loved the final line, which just tied the whole thing together perfectly. I also really liked lines 7 and 11; they were likewise very well phrased. I was a bit confused by the rooftops making "smiles of dagger ice" in line 2, as I couldn't really envision how that was supposed to look, but that might just be my lack of imagination.
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Post by Velata on Jan 4, 2006 11:20:34 GMT -5
... May I...?
I actually agree with Genevieve's observation. "The Choice" is trying to say too much with too few words. And since we can't be wordsmiths all, there'll always be an eternal struggle between form and substance.
In this case, form lost, by a not-so-small margin.
If I may, I actually have another "challenge" in mind (from which, hopefully, I will regain my former composure).
Therefore, Ladies and Gentlemen of Literary ambitions, I give you, the Terza Rima
Terza Rima is a poetic rhyme scheme which involve interlocking rhymes, written in iambic tercets. The rhyme scheme is aba bcb cdc ded (and so forth) for as long as the poet wishes to continue. The length of each line has been alternatively given as in iambic pentameter, or hendecasyllabic (11 syllables).
The greatest poet who utilised the Terza Rima (or, as some say, partially invented it) was Dante Aligheri. The Divine Comedy was completely written in Terza Rima, and for drive and cadence, this form is peerless. However, it has also been known to be among some of the hardest form in existence.
Since we've all passed the orderal by fire... I meant, the sonnet, it's time to try something else.
At the moment, I can only give past examples, since I have no ready Terza Rima to show for. Several English poets have attempted the Terza Rima. Here's a part of Shelley's "Ode to the West Wind."
O wild West Wind, thou breath of Autumn's being, Thou, from whose unseen presence the leaves dead Are driven, like ghosts from an enchanter fleeing,
Yellow, and black, and pale, and hectic red, Pestilence-stricken multitudes: O thou, Who chariotest to their dark wintery bed
The winged seeds, where they lie cold and low, Each like a corpse within its grave, until Thine azure sister of the Spring shall blow
Her clarion o'er the dreaming earth, and fill (Driving sweet buds like flocks to feed in air) With living hues and odours plain and hill:
Wild Spirit, which art moving everywhere; Destroyer and preserver; hear, oh, hear!
What about it, ladies and gentlemen?
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Post by Advent Childhe on Jan 4, 2006 22:26:21 GMT -5
Greetings (I think):
Wow... the Terza Rima.
Iambic Pentameter, interlock rhymes, 3-line stanzas.
in Epic styles... finish a section with a contained heroic couplet.
Ummm....I accept your challenge. I think.
Genevieve - "smiles of dagger ice" is an imagery for icicles hanging off of roof top edges. Icicles become dagger like teeth over a lip of the roof.
For the Riptide Project, Advent Childhe,
PS: do I have to do it in Epic form or something like Rape of the Lock?
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Post by Velata on Jan 5, 2006 10:24:04 GMT -5
... May I...?
The Terza Rima is in itself difficult. I don't think we should put on the restriction of it having to confirm to any other form. Either one is fine.
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Post by Tim on Jan 16, 2006 16:33:38 GMT -5
Hi everyone,
I've finally written a sonnet. And it's come up today. Wayward -oops Advent Childhe asked me over the weekend as to why I've been silent here, and the answer is simple: I didn't have the time to write, and I obviously am not good enough to be able to keep up to the different styles. But I did say I'd write a sonnet, so here it is:
"WORKING" 16 - I - 06
Sometimes I wonder how to start this work, Lazily as I day-dream at my desk. Sometimes I wonder where my boss might lurk, Escaping tasks to catch a little rest.
But every now and then I'm touched by thoughts, And my imagination's made to stir. And I desire something that can't be bought, Then the gears in my head begin to whirr.
It's amazing how old gears can still run, An almost perennial happening, And they thus drive the heart to so much fun Then my head gets filled with strange songs I sing
So now I find that with all that I do, I can't stop myself from thinking of you. ------------------------------------------------------------------
So there it is gang, shred it to pieces. It might be awhile before I write my Terzain (is that the same as Terza Rima?)
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Post by Advent Childhe on Jan 16, 2006 16:40:19 GMT -5
Greetings:
TIM!! Tim, time is a precious commodity. Thanks for sharing it with us.
A modern feel sonnet that is about love!!
I'll post more later,
For the Riptide Project, Advent Childhe,
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Post by Velata on Jan 17, 2006 17:13:05 GMT -5
... May I...? "Time is such a precious commodity, you never get enough of it..." Having been deprived of time, I believe Tim issued a very valiant attempt at the difficult form which we call a sonnet. The ambiguity towards the actual subject (his difficulties in writing a poem or someone he's thinking of) gives this "Work(ing)" a lovely feel of an extended pun, which was examplified at the last rhyming couplet. However, ideas aside, the mechanics of this poem needs a little work. I dare not claim to be a master when it comes to forms. Therefore, these are just some simple thoughts: 1. Sonnets are usually less tolerant of "near rhymes". Therefore, "desk" and "rest" do not rhyme. 2. A sonnet follows an iambic pentameter, which means, in short, is that a line will be composed of 10 syllables that sound like: " short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long" For multi-syllabled words, the stress is usually at the first syllable. Therefore, the first line which reads "Sometimes I wonder how to start this work" has the cadence of :"Short-long-short-short-long-long-long-short-long-short". There's no easy fix when it comes to meters and rhythm. One way to attempt this is to mark the stresses onto the words of each line and say them out loud. Try to actually add an accented stress on the words when you say them. If they sound different from what you expect, there's something wrong. 3. The lines in the third stanza sound a little disjointed. If the author is surprised at how the old gears could still run, it's a spontaneuous, unexpected event, and therefore not a "perennial happnening". The first and the third line flowed well, and the metaphor was extended from gears in the head that runs the heart. However, the origins of "songs that I sing" is obscured. Did they come from the gears or the heart? That's it from me, for the moment. I am sure the rest of the more accomplished poets would have something even more salient to say. Good luck, P.S.: Another name for ther Terza Rima is the "terzine". There is no "terzaine."
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