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Post by Advent Childhe on Oct 14, 2005 0:31:05 GMT -5
Greetings:
I am in consensus with Velata and Corrusader.
Rhyme and rhythm is as important in poetry as you wish it to be. But to sacrifice the flow of the words or the meaning of the words for such effects is detrimental to the over all poetic experience.
This is a nice plot. As Corrusader said, it has a lot of movement.
The phrasing and general diction of the lines are forced in various lines to fit the rhyme. However, these forced lines also use modern colloquial terms, such as "a future that couldn't be brighter." For a high fantasy related piece, such a phrase is a bit.... too new.
Apart from that, story is nice. I would like to see how Garanor writes his stories.
I must amit, I must still improve upon my writing abilities.
So long and thanks for all the fish, Advant Childhe,
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Post by Advent Childhe on Oct 29, 2005 8:42:09 GMT -5
Greeting:
This place gets posts in pulses. I guess we are all pretty busy huh?
All hail the Ram, Advent Childhe,
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Post by Genevieve on Nov 11, 2005 0:58:31 GMT -5
"What, ho!" quoth I in sheer delight, "A writer's thread lies in my sight!"
I'd come upon this midnight clear And ne'er thought to find one here, Yet as I browsed more carefully, A forum's verse-mine did I see.
I browsed and thought and browsed and thought, Then thought some more of what I ought To post in witty repartee Where verses are the joiner's fee.
And as I thought and read some more, I figured I'd renew the store. So though profound my rhyme not be, I hope it doth suffice for thee.
Advent Childhe began the lark; His double-posting was the spark That lit the conflagration high And kept it burning then 'til nigh.
His alias of Wayward Wayne Gives 2-for-1 a whole new vein Of punny meanings (I'm so good!): A name like all good namings should.
His poems flew straight at my heart: Chem-engineering is an art Where chemistry and math are twain; I understand the artist's pain.
Then Corrusader took the torch, Whose Broken Promise my soul scorched Because that, too, I understand: The death of life in promised land.
His(?) poems Poe like poems should And Poe like that I wish I could, But as it is, the lack of clues To gender give me Poe-ing blues.
Velata's kudos and remarks Give helpful and insightful sparks; Her(!) verse-wise know-how hits the spot And keeps the fire burning hot.
Whilst Tim Taw makes his one post count, I do so wish this count would mount; Of Wendigo I smiled to read; Tic-toc, Tim Taw: this thread has need!
Last, but never ever least, Comes Garanor's poetic feast; The richness of the atmosphere Made me feel far more there than here.
So thus concludes my summary; My contribution's mummery Has hopefully coaxed grins or snorts And possibly some sly retorts.
I guess I'll have to wait and see What tricksiness will bring to me; I'll wait anon with bated breath... ...Can someone help? What rhymes with "-eth?"
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Post by Advent Childhe on Nov 12, 2005 9:40:33 GMT -5
"Come on in... the water's fine."
I had risen with the dawning light To stumble on this lovely sight; This lonely thread had required relief - And my, here was Genevieve!
I welcome you; please feel free And fill one of our humble seats - But I'll give you a throne for your repartee As what you've bought with thine Joiner's fee.
Profound the rhythms do not have to be; Careful cared-for words are enough for me. Recent was the lack of poems to read So post, I pray, and I'll follow your lead.
This is the kindle; this is the remark That revives within me a tired old spark. Come all!! Burn abright this cooling frame, Burn on and on, poetic Brightflame!!
I guess I'll have to wait and see What genius comes from Genevieve, Whose words-craft of depth and breadth Can tickle life in to a drowsy death.
All Hail the Ram, Advent Childhe,
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Post by Velata on Nov 14, 2005 1:55:38 GMT -5
... May I...? Thank you for your sweet remark, For one who posts few and stark. Summers and winters have long since gone, Since I've had any good rhymes done. But since a poem to this forum I owe, My lack of talent I must show. But this is the occasion, I perceive, To send a welcome to Genevieve! The frame is shaky, there is no doubt, This poetic spring is long in drought. Alas, this is not the stage for me, Since no muse answers my plea. Gentle friends, please take heed, And save this playground in need. ... Perhaps, this simple sing-song set, will suffice to pay my past-due debt... Welcome to this poet's corner, Genevieve! Hope to hear more from you!
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Post by Corrusader on Nov 14, 2005 12:04:32 GMT -5
A well timed verse to stay the spark, A well lit torch to spark the dark. Genevieve I hope you'll be here a while, For you've started a trend with style.
Perhaps this thread still has hope, Perhaps it'll turn from its downhill slope. Maybe the rhymes will still burn bright, Maybe the poems will still take flight.
And if this flame don't fail, We'll far into literary sea sail. And if things really go well, Even Tarajan has more to tell.
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Post by Tim on Nov 17, 2005 19:01:41 GMT -5
pity poor tim and his internet curse losing all his work before he completed his verse perhaps he'll try to write it again and he won't lose it before he reaches the end.
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Post by Genevieve on Nov 19, 2005 3:24:57 GMT -5
"Harken to the words!" "Which words?" "The words that sing like joyful birds
Joyful birds which sing, In time, Poetic lyrics on the wing."
"Look! The words are in This thread! A thread where rhyme and prose are kin.
Let us see how this Unwinds; This spool of yarns, poetic bliss."
"Poor old Tim; his luck Is wan. Our loss is awful, makes me cluck.
Hopefully he'll try Again, Cast out some clever rhymes and fly."
"Corrusader lights My way With lyrics taken to new heights,
Soaring embers through The dark, A limerick precise and true."
"Yon Velata pays Her fee, Her rhyming discourse makes old days
Writing from a muse Seem not So long ago at all: a ruse!"
"Wayward Wayne woke hale And cheer To see this thread less new-post frail.
Into action straight He dove; He seems to like that taste of bait."
"Well and good, I say, My friend, But surely you'll say aught today."
"Yes, in fact, I'll say Some words, But not in verse: a quicker way."
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Whew. That was waaay too much structure for one 3AM forum post. Dzang. *strains kinks out of neck*
Ay. I'm glad to see the thread back up and kicking. It really did make for some fantastic reading, both the poems and the critiquing.
One thing that brought back some memories, actually, was Garanor's poem. I'm not sure what it was exactly, perhaps the meter or the atmosphere or both, but it reminded me of an exercise my grade 11 writer's craft class did once. The teacher was trying to get us to structure poems around their rhythm and emphasis. He would give us a certain number of lines to write and a required rhythm for each of those lines and then told us to write a mini-poem structured around those requirements.
During one class, the requirement was a 5-line poem of ten syllables each, with alternating stressed and unstressed syllables. We had the option of breaking up the final line into two, but the meter had to be the same. Garanor's poem reminded me of the one I did, for some reason. I think I still remember it:
Across the lake and through the woods we came In dark of night upon a wing of mist In light of naught but stars we were The Fist Of Man who sought his truth we took Our aim
Anyway, I was thinking it might be neat to try something like that here, maybe make a game out of it. For example, one person could make up some random set of requirements for a poem. Then someone could reply with a poem they wrote to match those requirements and also post a new set of requirements for the next person. So it could be an on-going game type thing. Whaddaya think?
If anyone's up for it, how about the first set of requirements be for someone to match my above structure? For clarity's sake, I'll write out the rhythm, where "short"=an unstressed syllable and "long"=a stressed syllable.
short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long short-long
Serious and/or non-game poems would of course still be great contributions to the thread; I don't mean to undermine that understanding at all. I just thought this might be a fun way to keep the thread alive during slumps in otherwise "real" posts?
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Post by Advent Childhe on Nov 23, 2005 1:08:30 GMT -5
Yes or No
"Always, Ever." Better late than never. Time blankets my waiting through the ages. Leering longing for some grace-laden sign. Teeming terrors tailed my tilting tracks, But bar not my steps to that sign'd reply.
Better late than never. Always. Never. Throw anguish on all these serried pages Incite the hidden rage between the lines Languish what the lonesome laments may lack, Then persuade the fates to let me slip by.
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Post by Tim on Nov 23, 2005 12:38:46 GMT -5
Oh poor Tim! He's blown a fuse. Why have you forsake him, Muse? Of rhythm and rhyme he's at a loss Typing up lab reports for his boss
Mr. Taw will return and play your game And show the world that he isn't the same The Muse is coming, it's beginning to show And word-by-word soon lyrics will flow
Yet still he has no masterplan Your game he does not understand Oh crap, he's caught! Here comes the boss! This poem is done and inspiration is lost!
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Post by Tim on Nov 23, 2005 12:47:23 GMT -5
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Post by Advent Childhe on Nov 23, 2005 21:35:41 GMT -5
Greetings:
Amit: The person that posts the Challenge puts out the rules that must be followed for those who wish to answer the challenge. This time, Genevieve set out a 5 line Iambic-pentameter form without a rhyme set, but with the new option to break the last into a sixth line.
Yes or No was written to fit the above structure.
The person that answered (or persons that answered) would then be able to set up the structure for the next challenge.
Your muse will return to you anon, Tim.
All Hail the Ram, Advent Childhe,
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the Amityville Horror
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Post by the Amityville Horror on Nov 24, 2005 10:36:25 GMT -5
I understood how the rules of the game worked. What I submitted was out of the game (b/c Gen said it was allowed) & I knew that. I just didn't get how the meter of the poem worked, and couldn't link what she wrote to her syllable-pattern. You know what, though? I think a solid writers' circle is being formed here. And I'm glad to have this learning experience. I will make a more honest effort at writing according to "the rules" -it's just a matter of time. Obviously, I'm not going to be tooo inspired while at work (because then I won't be working). I think my muse is back. But it's kinda like dating someone over the internet. At times she's clingy & too too friendly. Sometimes she's really cold and ignoring. Sometimes she's kinda nuts. You'll never know what to expect.
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Post by Corrusader on Nov 25, 2005 23:04:30 GMT -5
I didn't follow the rules exactly because I can't read. Instead I did: Short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long Short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long Short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long Short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long Short-long Short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long Short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long Short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long Short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long-short-long Short-long
Actus Reas
Ungodly sight has splattered on my kitchen floor, Unsightly death has fouled her flawless form What sick unnatural man defiled my kitchen floor? Why's this unholy weapon in my hand, My knife.
Horrific thoughts rebelled against the tortured mind, Alas, what would a man of God do now? Unwelcomed truth hurts more than all the lies combined. But which fair maiden fell from evil's wrath? My wife.
Edit: Odd, what happened to Vel's thing?
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Post by Genevieve on Nov 29, 2005 0:08:41 GMT -5
Yeah, I noticed that, too. A forum hiccup? A haunt that devours posts when no one's looking? Perhaps Liz hasn't been feeding the system enough and it finally got so hungry that it started cannibalising on its own bits 'n' bytes? Anywho, I've been meaning to get back to posting on this thread, but the last couple of weeks have been insane for me and now it's the last week of engineering classes. I'll unfortunately be extremely scarce from now until the end of my exams. If you try hard enough, you might even be able to feel the vacuum-pressure pull of how not around I'll be. Hehe I've been so tempted to post lately, as there have been some great little limericks and the game looks like it's going great. Oh, well. Even if I don't post, rest assured that I'll continue reading on in envy whilst you guys play around! That said... anyone care to propose the criteria for the next round of the game?
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